Today was a productive day. After breakfast was over I got the kids ready and we headed to the gym. I didn't get there till noon so why did it take me so long to get out the door? Well Anna couldn't find her homework, I had to get the little people dressed and well life. That is what. But none the less I did make it to the gym and I worked hard. Then I took Anna to school. I had realized that I didn't have enough bbq sauce for dinner so I stopped by Walmart on my way to get Eliza because Kali has been begging to play with her and well she needs to have friends to do stuff with besides Anna so it's good. Then I picked up Anna and came home to finish dinner for the missionaries. After we all ate I went out with the sisters to stop by some sisters houses to drop off flier for the stake Relief Society activity that is tomorrow.
Why am I giving you a list of what I did today? Well because the truth is no one beside my Husband maybe understand all that I did. Oh and I forgot to mention that I sewed a bag for Kali for Halloween and read to my kids, and clean almost my entire house including doing some laundry. So why do I do it? Why do I wake up every morning and do what I do. Why don't I go to work and make money for my family? Well I do it all because of my family. You see God has entrusted me with the responsibility to care for the children he has sent to me. Not only that but he has also entrusted me with the opportunity to be married to one of his faithful sons. I take this job very seriously. God created this world so that we could inhabit it and so that we could learn what we need to here so that we can live with him again. Yet I feel so humbled. Do I feel worthy of God's blessings? Well no honestly I don't. I don't deserve his love. I'm a sinner, and quite frankly I feel humbled almost every single day. Yet I know God loves me. I know that he is there for me every step of the way. Most of the time I don't understand how or why but then there are those moments where he gives me a small glimpse of how to all came to be and how it all will be and then I can take another step in the dark and feel peace. I wish I could feel that way all the time, but I guess I haven't been tried enough, I guess I need to feel that loneliness to understand his love. I guess I need to be humbled so I can be teachable.
Life isn't always fun and most of the time it is just plain hard but I hope and pray that those around me can know that I love them, that I truly do just want the best for them, and that I'm a sinner trying to repent and come closer to God because he is the only one who can truly save me. He is the only one who can truly take away all the pain and sorrow and suffering I have and will go through away.
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