Kali girl I love you! Happy birthday!

Kali just turned 4 on the 27th and I wanted to write a little post to let her know how amazing she truly is.  I love this little girl so much!  She is so much fun to be around.  She loves people unconditionally and she almost always has a smile on her face.

 The other day my neighbor has a golf cart that they were giving rides to kids on and Kali really wanted on but Kali didn't make a huge fuss about it, she just came over to me and said Mom I want on but there's no room for  me.  That is a prime example of Kali.  She finally did get a ride, thank goodness but man was she so super patient about it.  I love that about this specially girl.  She also loves to learn. 

The day after she turned 4 she said Mom now I get to go to school across the hall from Anna.  (There is a pre-K class at Anna's school across the hallway).  Kali really wants to be apart of it, but I don't even know if I will let her go to pre-k cause I didn't let Anna go.  She really just wants to be doing what Anna is doing, I don't think it's too much about going to school. 

Both Anna and Kali are playing soccer but they have to be on different teams this year.  Kali is doing so much better then last year when she just twirled on the field and did almost nothing.  This year she loves it and she gets excited about going.  She even scored a goal last game and it was so stinken cute!  She got all excited and was dancing and did a fist pump.  It made me smile from ear to ear.  She won't push all the other kids around to get the ball but when she has a clean break she takes it. 

This girl loves being grown up.  She also loves to help Mom in the kitchen.  She is always asking to make something or get into something.  But non the less she will be a good cook someday.

Kali loves to play outside.  She is pretty easy to please.  She loves the garden I grew this year, and she is my red and yellow tomato finder.  She loves it.  She also loves to dig in the dirt and play pretty much anything outside. 

This girls is going to be an amazing Mom someday.  She wants so bad to be Mom to Elsie, the problem is she isn't quite in control of her body completely yet.  Yes she can hold Elsie but she has no idea what the limits should be.  I tell her to be careful and she has no idea what that means.  She tries to get Elsie to jump into her arms off the big trampoline and it scares me.  She also loves to push her on the swing but she doesn't know what just a little means.  She loves to make Anna and Elsie smile and she playing with them.  But she also enjoys time by herself.  She loves to read books and pretend to be anyone she is thinking about at the time.  Either Mom and Dad, Claire and Talie, or whatever character out of a book or show they have watched recently. 

Kali I love you so much!  You are such a special part of our family and I'm so blessed to be your Mom!  You were my 1st baby to deliver vaginally and it was well worth the time it took to get you here.  You are so kind and caring and it will be such a pleasure watching you learn and grow throughout your life.  Thanks for letting me be your Mom! 

Kali and potty training

You know those moments in life when you judge someone because there kid does...or doesn't do...well unfortunately I've been that Mom.  When Anna got potty trained it was easy.  Okay so I had to try a couple times but the 2nd time she got it in like 3 days no problem.  So I just thought every other kid should be like that.  Boy was I wrong.  Now there is Kali.  I love this kid to death but after a WHOLE ENTIRE year of trying to get this kid to go in the potty I've hit a wall.  I tried being positive, giving her an M&M or small marshmallow every time she went, I even tried cold showers cause people I know swore by them.  But you see NONE of it has worked.  This kid will be 4 Sunday and I'm done!  So if you see my kid in a pull-up then just know that yes I'm that Mom who lets her 4 year old wear a pull-up but not for the lack of trying.  We are going to see a urologist in about a month, but until then I would like to have a positive relationship with my daughter instead of fighting about going to the bathroom.  Besides that I feel like I've ruined her ability to have a positive potty experience.  It is always a fight and she wets herself at least 3 times everyday and then the times she does make it in the potty she has peed a little in her panties first so she stinks.  I guess you could say as a Mom that is the hardest part, I don't want to going around smelling like pee all the time.  Kali is such a fun and loving kid that I need to remember that when I'm so frustrated about the situation.  The past year has been rough with her because I've been so consumed by this.  So why do I let myself?  Well it's embarrassing.  I feel like the worst Mom ever but for now I'm trying to let it go.  She may have to wear a pull-up for the rest of her life but hopefully I can love her through it, cause really that is what matters. 

So in everything you go through in life there is a reason and you learn something right.  Well I would definitely say that I have learned that MOST people are dealing with some type of a battle whether with a child, themselves, or someone they love and I'm doing my best to just be a support and not judge.  I just hope that others will see that I'm doing the best I can to be the very best Mother I can be and well my child still has agency.  Also I wish that I was perfect but I'm not and I just hope that I can learn what I need to and that Kali can know that I love her even though she isn't perfect.  She loves so completely and she is willing to be anyone's friend.  She also smart, creative, and super coordinated.  She loves life so much and she is always telling stories she made up, or playing Mom and Dad, or Claire and Talie(her cousins).  Kali doesn't have to be the center of attention but she loves it when I take time just for her.  She truly is a special girl and I'm so blessed that she was born into our family. 

Life...

Today was a productive day.  After breakfast was over I got the kids ready and we headed to the gym.  I didn't get there till noon so why did it take me so long to get out the door?  Well Anna couldn't find her homework, I had to get the little people dressed and well life.  That is what.  But none the less I did make it to the gym and I worked hard.  Then I took Anna to school.  I had realized that I didn't have enough bbq sauce for dinner so I stopped by Walmart on my way to get Eliza because Kali has been begging to play with her and well she needs to have friends to do stuff with besides Anna so it's good.  Then I picked up Anna and came home to finish dinner for the missionaries.  After we all ate I went out with the sisters to stop by some sisters houses to drop off flier for the stake Relief Society activity that is tomorrow.

Why am I giving you a list of what I did today?  Well because the truth is no one beside my Husband maybe understand all that I did.  Oh and I forgot to mention that I sewed a bag for Kali for Halloween and read to my kids, and clean almost my entire house including doing some laundry.  So why do I do it?  Why do I wake up every morning and do what I do.  Why don't I go to work and make money for my family?  Well I do it all because of my family.  You see God has entrusted me with the responsibility to care for the children he has sent to me.  Not only that but he has also entrusted me with the opportunity to be married to one of his faithful sons.  I take this job very seriously.  God created this world so that we could inhabit it and so that we could learn what we need to here so that we can live with him again.  Yet I feel so humbled.  Do I feel worthy of God's blessings?  Well no honestly I don't.  I don't deserve his love.  I'm a sinner, and quite frankly I feel humbled almost every single day.  Yet I know God loves me.  I know that he is there for me every step of the way.  Most of the time I don't understand how or why but then there are those moments where he gives me a small glimpse of how to all came to be and how it all will be and then I can take another step in the dark and feel peace.  I wish I could feel that way all the time, but I guess I haven't been tried enough, I guess I need to feel that loneliness to understand his love.  I guess I need to be humbled so I can be teachable.

Life isn't always fun and most of the time it is just plain hard but I hope and pray that those around me can know that I love them, that I truly do just want the best for them, and that I'm a sinner trying to repent and come closer to God because he is the only one who can truly save me.  He is the only one who can truly take away all the pain and sorrow and suffering I have and will go through away.