It's weird how life works. You see for years now we felt like we should move back to AZ. We felt like that was what God wanted for our family but we were waiting for the right time and for Zach to find work here. Well a few months ago he decided to take a job with Hexcel which is in Casa Grande. I honestly was shocked that we 1st of all wouldn't be staying with Boeing and 2nd that we would be living in Casa Grande, cause there really isn't a town near by. We as a family feel it is best for Zach to have a short commute and to not have to drive 1 hour each way to and from work. So that leaves us in Casa Grande. When we were moving here we wanted to rent to get to know the area and to give ourselves some time to sell our home. Well every place we were going to rent fell through and we ended up looking for houses to buy. I honestly did not think that we would find ourselves buying something but we felt very led to buy something. So now what, we still haven't had an offer on our home in Oklahoma and it's getting very overwhelming. Carrying 2 mortgages honestly sounds crazy. But none the less we will have no other choice. So what other option is there. Our relator suggested maybe renting out our home but honestly we really don't want to do that! We have put so much money into that home. We put all new carpet up and we painted most of the house and renting it out would be very difficult. Renters sometimes take care of a home but sometimes they don't. Lets just say this journey of selling our home has been one of the hardest challenges of our marriage. It was very stressful getting the house ready, then keeping it clean, and now waiting from so far away for something to happen and to pray that those that are helping keep the place cleaned and cared for are doing a good job. This has truly been the biggest trial of my faith ever. I have no doubt that it will sell, I know it will, but how long will we have to wait?
For me the hardest part of all of this is feeling like if God wants us in AZ so bad then why isn't he helping us sell our home. Why has everyone else's home we know sold except ours. We have fasted, prayed, served, gone to the temple, tried to keep a positive attitude, and tried to have faith, yet still nothing. What am I missing? My tears have been mighty plentiful the last fews month and it all feel so daunting.
As I say all of this I want to mention one other thing. Today I was reminded how blessed I truly am and how grateful I am for all the things I've been given. I'm blessed with an amazing Husband who is a wonderful Father. I'm blessed with 4 beautiful daughters and they truly are such a blessing in my life. I'm blessed with wonderful extended family who love us and support us. I'm blessed to have a van that runs and that my husbands car as old as it is is still working and gets him to work everyday. I'm blessed that we didn't have to sell our home in Oklahoma to be approved for a loan in AZ. I'm blessed to be giving the chance to start a business even though I'm still in the I'm not sure what I'm doing stage. There are so many other things but let me just say that I know so so so many people have it much worse than me.
This trial isn't over but I hope that I can have the faith necessary to move forward without the fear that I've been carrying and see this as a chance to learn and grow. I hope I can be patient with my kids and with myself. I hope I can fight the light admit this storm that has seems so encompassing.
