Pee and Poop and more Pee and Poop

    Majority of the people I know don't sit around talking about pee and poop.  It's not something that needs to be talked about because it's just something that most people take care of by themselves without a whole lot of push.  Most kids potty train fairly quickly even if that's a couple months, believe me when I say that is like a moment in time!  Yes a very hard time but overall a small amount of time.  So why am I talking about pee and poop.  Because that is the most difficult challenge my daughter and I face on a day to day basis.  Imagine if you will for a minute having a child who you're worried about her going well pretty much anywhere because you are almost positive they will have an accident while there.  School is hard because I always worry that some kid is going to talk about her peeing her pants and tell her she smells.  My daughter Kali has had the problem well forever.  I don't think we have ever gone a day of her life where she hasn't peed her pants.  I mean she is 5 so this shouldn't be an issue anymore, right?

    So why is this?  The Urologist we've been seeing for over a year now says that it's all because she is constipated all the time.  Her poop pushes on her platter and she has a hard time controlling her pee.  I wish I could give her a magic pill to fix all of this but well it doesn't work like that.  I used to take it all upon myself but now it's just life.  I was talking to the Doctor this last week and telling her this is just stressful and she said it is stressful.  She said it falls right under kids with disabilities and being blind or deaf.  So my child who is completely fine intellectually can't figure out how to poop right so she can pee right?  It really is so hard!  I write this letter not to throw a pitty party about what we go through but maybe to reach out to someone else who maybe deals with bladder problems as well.  I know I can't be the only one dealing with this.

    I've decided to kind of map out our challenges on a day to day basis so those of you that don't know me or my daughter can get a glimpse of how hard this can be for anyone who has to go through something like this.
1. Medicine we take every day: oxybutin 3 times a day, miralax once a day, magnesium and calcium supplement once a day, a laxative once a week on Fridays usually, and right now she is suppose to take and enema like a rectal suppository every week(if you haven't ever given one of these to your kids you are lucky cause she hates this!).
2. Schedule for the day:  She has a wrist watch that goes off every hour and we ask her to at least try and go potty every time it peeps.  Sometimes she ignores it but when she goes she has a chart she gets to mark a mark on to get prizes.  (When you have to go anywhere that can be stressful, I now know where pretty much any bathroom is at any public place I've ever been)

   In the morning before school I have to give her oxybutin. (She takes that in a syringe and it's not usually too bad but sometimes she hides it in her bag and doesn't take it or sometimes she leaves without taking it.  On those days it's almost a guarantee that she will pee at school.  We come home about lunch time and eat lunch and she take oxybutin again.  She also gets miralax and a magnesium supplement about that time too which all goes into a cup with some kind of juice, chocolate milk or something like that).  That is ALWAYS a fight!  Sometimes it's hours before she takes it and it's very frustrating.  She hates it and I don't think I would like it either but she has to take it every day so I guess a fight it is every day.  Then she gets to take oxybutin once again at night.  On top of that she has a wrist watch that peeps every hour and she is suppose to try and go potty at that time.  That is a lot of times to pee during the day but me telling her wasn't working.  Me nagging her all day wasn't working.  So this seems to help.  But sometimes she ignores it.  We created a chart for her to mark but it still doesn't work all the time and all of that is hard to remember, specially with 2 other children.  So basically it feels like all I do is make sure my kid takes her medicine and goes potty every hour.  Then when she pees her pants I have to make her change her clothes which is always so hard, and adds to laundry.  I also have to make sure she puts her dirty clothes in the laundry room from her room or the car or wherever the clothes were left smells like pee and her sisters complain.  Then at night she wears a pull-up which she is usually pretty good about it but she really wants to wear panties. When she wakes up she has to put it in the trash asap...but she usually doesn't so I have to make sure she gets it in a Walmart sack then we tie it up and put it in the trash.   All of these steps are stressful and my little independent 5 year old does not want me telling her about any of them.

    Now with all of this there is a pretty much a guarantee that she will have to change her clothes at least once a day.  I make her go in her room and take care of it herself but sometimes it's still a huge fight cause she doesn't want to have to do it.  She also really doesn't want this problem!  Poor thing just wants to pee like a normal person, she really just wants to have fun like the other kids and not have to worry about all of this, but it is a problem and maybe just maybe someday we will not have to worry about this anymore.  But as of now we get to deal with it.

      I guess the moral of all of this is you never know what people are dealing with everyday.  When my daughter first started being potty trained I would get so mad that I couldn't make my daughter go potty.  I used to take it all upon myself like it was my problem and you know what it's not but as a Mom you don't want your children to struggle with things like this!

     A little tender mercy from God this last week was talking to another Mom who's daughter is actually in her 20's now but has also dealt with bladder problems.  She told me that people will judge me with my daughter and say I'm just babying her.  They will say that I'm just not pushing her hard enough, but they have no idea what you are going through.  That is so very true!  For a little while I was giving my daughter cold showers when she wet her pants cause I just didn't know what to do, well it didn't work.  It just made things worse, she still wet her pants and it wasn't helping.   I wish I wouldn't have done that but can't go back now.  I also tried sticker charts, time outs, taking away privileges and I'm here to tell you it is just NOT something she can control.  So after I stopped all of that about a year ago I've just been trying really hard to love her.  I felt like I lost my sweet Kali for a while.  She still doesn't like to be touched too much and I think that it all stems from her bladder problems. The Mom that I talked to this last week said that it can cause depression in years to come for her.  In my head I'm thinking, I think that just triggered my postpartum depression even more.  It was so stressful and I was already pretty depressed so it really didn't help.  I will write another post about that but for now I just want anyone who reads this to know that even though this challenge is so incredible difficult and I wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy, I also know that it has taught me about unconditional love.  It has taught me to not judge Mom's who are just trying the very best they can with what they got.  It has taught me that there are some really mean people in this world and some pretty amazing people who are just trying the best they can everyday to be the best they can.  It has taught me that my daughter who is so incredible smart is going to have to deal with this problem probably for the rest of her life and I just have to love her in spite of this challenge.  I may hate this problem but I have to separate it from the love I have for her cause when people are mean and they will be I have to be here for her.

     If you are reading this and are dealing with anything like this please reach out to me.  It's easier to go through challenges when you know you aren't the only one dealing with an issue.  I know that God has given this challenge to my family for a reason, I just hope that as Kali's Mom I will deal with it with grace and love. 

Adventures of life

Over the last month crazy things have happened!  I took a spontaneous trip to AZ with 3 kids all by myself.  It was crazy!  I got to talk to my Grandma and Grandpa Pearce and spend some time with my brother before he left on his mission to Des Moines Iowa.  Stephen will be a wonderful missionary and he is super prepared for whatever lies ahead.  My sister Jamie also had her baby and I had a ton of fun hanging out and holding her sweet little Emmett.  Elsie thought holding him was pretty great. 

My sister Natalie will be moving sometime the end of this year I believe so it was also fun to let my girls play with Claire and Talie.  They are best friends and love spending time together.  It would be fun to live close but things don't usually go the way you plan I'm finding out.  I also got to see my sister Andrea and her kids.  Then we saw Jason and Kenzie and got to go to dinner with them.  It was great catching up.  My sisters step son had a birthday party while we were there so we had fun going to that.  Tristan is such a fun kid and my kids love playing with him.  I was able to stay with my in-laws while in Mesa and it was fun seeing Cassie and Jordon and spending time with Holli and Dave.  The girls just love there Grandparents on both sides.  All in all it was a great trip.  Long and tiring but I made it!  Kind of proud of myself! 

Then I get home to find out the few weevils I had found previous had taken over my pantry, I had worms in our cereal boxes, and my kitchen is half torn apart trying to fix the dry wall that's just been a big hole for like 2 1/2 years.  So I pretty much don't have a kitchen cause my kitchen became my pantry and I've bought all kinds of container to put cereal, crackers, rice, flour and whatever else that needed a plastic container where bugs couldn't get in.  It's been a crazy week.  I've been cleaning shelves and wiping every food item off to make sure it doesn't have a weevil.  Hopefully we've got it all under control and won't ever have this problem again.  Bugs are NO joke!  We have pets control come to our house and we still get spiders but not near as many as we would other wise.  I thought that we were doing pretty well at keeping things cleaned but I guess I was wrong.  So if you need me for the next week I'll be cleaning every shelf in my kitchen and re organizing my life to get rid of these nasty bugs. 

Camping pictures

I decided to take some pictures of my girls when we got to our camp site and I'm so glad I did.  Hope you enjoy!  I haven't done any editing to these, and well I don't know much about editing but with that in mind I'd say these are pretty good.  I love these girls so much!  Well and there Dad!  My life would be boring and dull without them! 

 If I could lighten this up I think it's really cute.  Elsie just loves her sisters and she is always watching them and learning from them.

 This picture of Elsie is a little to bright but I love this sweet thing!  She is always happy and quite the Mamas girl even now. 

 The picture above and below explain Kali to a t.  She loves to carry sticks everywhere when we are outside and so is always thinking of silly things to do. 

 I love this picture of Anna.  This is her beautiful smile that is hard to get on camera for some reason. 

 My girls LOVE the water!  I think they could swim every day!  Anna has become quite the swimmer!  In her swim class age group 6-12 she was the only one who could touch the bottom of the pool by swimming down and he also has figured out how to dive pretty well.  I am super proud of her!  She is quite the determined little thing and it will serve her well in life. 

These girls love there Daddy!  He's pretty great! (also this picture is a little dark as well)

...crazy couple weeks part 2 (Katie's wedding)

So after getting to Mesa Saturday morning about 9am we picked up a few pizzas and headed to a Shumway Family reunion.  It was a lot of fun seeing some people I haven't seen in a long time. To name a few my Aunt Ione, my Grandma and Grandpa Pearce, Brian and his family, Spencer, and Maylene.  After the reunion I went to Andreas to help set up for Katie's shower.  It was a lot of fun talking to Annika, Kira and many others there.  Emily came and Jolie(who was the girl who became rs president after I left the singles ward).  I would say that it went really well and that Katie got lots of great things.

The rest of the week was full of getting wedding stuff, playing with cousins, and trying to be outside as much as possible in the amazing weather.  It was seriously like 90*.  I couldn't believe how hot it was already and it is only February.  Some of my favorite things we did was go to the park, go to jump zone, did a family bbq, picked lemons for lemonade for the reception, and got many of my things I my check list done!  Yay!  Saturday morning Katie needed a brooch and so off I went trying to find one.  I first went to Joanns and got some little pearl thing and then I left and went to an antique store on main street by the temple.  I felt like that is where I should go so off I went.  They didn't open till 10 but I was able to get in and find something pretty quick.  I then went and dropped it off with my Mom at the temple and headed back to get Zach to go to the temple.  One of the funniest parts of the sealing was Nathan's 99 year old Grandma.  She said oh Nathan it was so horrible but it turned out so great.  It was super funny and everyone heard it.  But yay for being married!  We then headed off to the luncheon.  It was a beautiful afternoon and it was great to be around loved ones.  We then headed to the church to open it at 3pm for Kitty who was coming to do the cake.  She did a wonderful job!  We then went and got everyone ready and did pictures and enjoyed a wonderful evening of visiting with family and friends.  I truly do miss my friends and family in AZ!  I feel so blessed to have grown up in such a wonderful place.  I don't know what the future has in store for our family but I feel so blessed that I was able to be there this last weekend.  We may have drove Natalie and Dallas crazy with messes and chaos but we appreciate there hospitality.

Right after the reception was over and we cleaned up some we headed back to Oklahoma!  It was a little crazy but we felt like we just needed to get out of town.  It is so nice to be home.  After a long and exhausting couple weeks it was so nice to just sit down and hold my little girls and watch Frozen with my girls. 

A crazy couple weeks~!

Talk about a crazy couple weeks!  Sunday February 7th started out like any other day except it was our sweet Elsie's birthday and she was turning 2.  We woke up went to church and then I'm sitting in sacrament meeting and I get a text from my Aunt with an ultrasound picture on it and I turned to Zach and said "NO WAY".  I had to double check that her name was on the ultrasound.  She adopted a sweet girls about 8 years ago because she was told she would never had kids.  Well now she is pregnant and it is a true gift from God. 

Later that evening after we had put the girls to bed Zach gets a call from his Dad saying that his Grandma Jackie Christensen had passed away.  It was a complete shock!  I didn't know what to think.  I just cried.  I loved his Grandma very much!  She was the type of person that would tell you how it was but you always new that she loved you no matter what.  She truly was a remarkable woman.  She was Relief Society President and that morning she woke up went to her meetings and did all that she was suppose to and then came home later and died.  It was crazy!  One minute she was alive and well and the next she was gone.  It is still hard for me to wrap my head around!  But non the less we felt it was very important to go to her funeral and be there.

 They scheduled it for the following Friday and I was already planning on heading to AZ Friday night so I could be at my sisters bridal shower.  Well this put a little detour in our way but honestly it worked out very well.  We left Wednesday after Anna got off school and drove all the way to Utah.  We got there about 11am.  I then went and helped dress Jackie in her temple clothes which was a really neat experience!  I'm so glad I got to have that time with her.  My Mother-in-law invited me to do that with her and Cassie, Camille, and Carolina.  It was a special time.  The funeral was Friday which was really good!  We were able to sign a couple songs and I led the music for the funeral.  One thing I really thought was cool was right before we were going to close the casket the funeral director opened it all the way and had the girls come over and see her whole body.  It was really special.  He explained a little bit about the temple clothes she wore and what they mean.  She said when he was little he could figure out why they only berried  1/2 of his Grandma...lol.  I guess you could say that it really meant a lot to me that he would do that cause I know that Anna was super curious about it all.  After we dedicated her grave sight we were able to go back after the luncheon to show Anna and Kali that they buried her.  Anna was really sad that she didn't get to see them do it.  But we saw all the pretty flowers and I told her that we would have just been in the way and then I think she was okay with it. 

Going to a funeral like this was very good for me.  I feel bad for Larry but I know that Jackie is okay and I know that she is happy with how everything turned out.  I feel blessed knowing that death is a natural part of life and that I will see Jackie again.  I know that she will be a little guardian angel watching over my family and for that I am truly grateful. At this time in my life I need all the help I can get.  Larry said that she is up in heaven talking to all the future children that will enter our family.  It was as if God was telling me there are more spirits that want to come to your family so get ready.  I am truly grateful for the blessings I have and especially this family that I have married into that has welcomed me with open arms and loved me. 

One special story I want to share before I close this post.  Zach and I had been on a few dates and I told him that we were going to SLC for conference with a couple girls in my ward.  He offered to let us stay with his Grandma when we went up there.  My friend Jen said she thought we should so off we went.  When I walked into there home I new they were special.  They weren't there the weekend that we were but I just felt like I new his Grandparents.  I felt like I would go to that house again and it was the strangest experience.  It was one of the reasons I kept dating Zach even though I wasn't sure about it all.  Zach was and is very lucky to have such awesome Grandparents. 

Jackie will love and miss you!  Thanks for all that you did for our family and probably will do!

....Katie's wedding and such to be continued...

Potty training Elsie

I have had something on my mind for a while that I feel I need to write down.  I try my best to not compare my kids to each other.  I will talk to Zach about there differences and such but around them I try very hard to just tell them what I love about them and leave it at that.  It's that whole concept of if you tell Suzie that she is smart and Susan that she is pretty all Suzie will remember is that she isn't pretty and Susan that she isn't smart.  I believe Elder Holland said something along those lines.  With that in mind I want to relay the difference here on this blog of my children when it comes to potty training.  Elsie just last week when we were in AZ sat on the potty a lot and went pee.  She loved it.  My sister has a little potty and a big potty in one of her bathrooms and Elsie thought the little potty was awesome.  She had done it some at home before we left to AZ as well but when we were there she pretty much potty trained herself.  When we got home I stuck panties on her and she has done amazing.  She did have a few accidents but overall she has gone in the potty and she has done amazing.  She is scared to go poop though.  But I think over time she will get over that. 

Now lets compare this to Kali.  She is 4 and will turn 5 in November.  Elsie is going to be 2 on Feb 7th so about a month from now.  Elsie is doing WAYYYYYY...... better than Kali has ever done.  Kali has pretty much peed her panties every single day since she started potty training.  If I could take back the last year of my life and just put her in pull ups and let her go when she wants to my life would have been 100 times better and everyone would have been happier.  But being the stubborn person that I am I didn't.  She still has accidents every day and it can be so frustrating but now I just try and take it with a grain of salt and move forward.  I hope by the time she starts school she will have figured out how keep her panties dry but maybe she won't I really don't know. 

So why is this?  Is it because I don't know how to potty train a child?  Is it because I didn't try some trick that would make her go.  Well I don't think so.  I tried sticker charts, treats, prizes, cold showers, a timer you name it and it hasn't worked.  I took her to the doctor and they think that she isn't getting her poop out enough so it's pushing on her bladder which makes it hard for her to know when she has to go.  We have been working on it and there may be a small improvement but most of the time I just think she doesn't care or it seems that way.

What I'm getting at is no matter what struggles our kids go through I hope that we can all be supportive and not critical.  You never know how long or what that Mom has tried to do to get there child to behave or whatever the case my be.  Just remember to be kind and loving.  I have potty trained 3 kids well kinda 2 and I can tell you that majority of the training comes from the kids themselves.  They have to be the one who is willing to do it.  I know I will go through similar things like this as my kids grow older and I'm grateful I've had the opportunity to go through this challenge and know that I can still love my kids even if I know that what they are doing could be so much better if they would just do it my way.  Chances are they won't and I hope that I can be loving and kind even when they have to figure it out in there own time and in there own way. 

Anna and school

I don't brag very often but honestly these days I probably should more often.  Specially when it comes to my amazing kids! 

Anna is doing amazing in school!  It is truly such a great blessing.  She is so eager to learn and loves every minute of it.  Her teacher said maybe I should send all the kids that don't get into preschool to your house.  I think she was kind of kidding but still it made me feel good.  I guess I'm doing something right as a Mom.   It feels really good.  Anna has passed all of her Kindergarten words and is now working on First grade words.  She also loves to write things.  She obviously doesn't spell them right but she is writing what she sounds out which is really awesome, and that is all that she really should be doing in Kindergarten. Anna is also reading.  She loves to sound out words and tells me all about them all the time.   She reads books to Elsie sometimes (if Elsie will let here lol) and she always wants to sound out her scripture verses at bedtime.  I feel so proud to be the Mother of this amazingly smart girl.  I hope that she keeps this zeal to learn with her all through school. 

Kali is also doing awesome! I have started a group preschool and Kali so far loves it.  She is so good at cutting and she loves to do crafts with me.  She also has been stringing buttons on thread and making necklaces for everyone.  Both Anna and Kali are doing so good with soccer and Kali has even scored a goal once so far.  She loves it so much and it's awesome seeing them thrive in the things they do. 

Elsie is also learning and growing so fast!  She loves playing with her sisters and wants to do everything with her sisters.  She loves to climb everything at the park and she LOVES the swings.  She also has starting saying so many things and it's so fun to watch her grow. 

It is such a blessing to be the Mother of these 3 beautiful girls!  They are such a joy in my life and I hope that they feel and know how much I love them always. 

I can't end this post without also bragging on my amazing Husband.  Living so far from family has been hard for me, some people love it but for me it has been extremely hard.  Having Zach by my side is the only way that I've made it through this tough time.  He truly is there for me whenever I need him.  Well that is whenever I ask.  I feel so blessed that we have so much to be grateful for here in Oklahoma.  So many things in my life haven't turned out the way I thought they were but I can definitely say that God has a way of making us turn to him.  With Christ and Zach by my side I truly feel like I could concur the world. 

If you can't tell I kind of like my family:)  I am truly one blessed woman!