Mel's funeral

Funerals are not my favorite but honestly they are truly beautiful.  They are a blessing from Heaven, if you will.  They help those suffering to process and to feel the peace only the Lord can bring.  I feel very blessed that we could come and support the Murphy family during this difficult time.  I know that we will see Mel again and I also know that the Lord has a special plan for him.

I never knew Mel to be anything but a fun, loving, caring man who loved his family.  I know things weren't always easy for him.  He divorced twice and never remarried after that.  I know that was probably hard on him but I truly believe that he did the best in could in the last few years of his life to make things right.  That he served in the Salt Lake Temple for 8 years and through that experience he learned and grew so much.  I know that he loved his time there and that many people loved him.  Even though him and Dixie were not married anymore he always treated her with respect and kindness from what I could tell.  I believe when he died they were truly friends and I feel that is special.  It is kind of a weird relationship but none the less I'm glad for their children's sake they could still be in the same room together.

Through this whole experience I feel to mention one other thing.  I truly believe that the Lord is in charge.  That the things we go through in this life are what we need to go through to shape our character and our spirits into becoming more like our Savior.  Mel had a very different story than anyone of my Grandparents but I feel he was doing the best he could and that he loved the Lord and was trying the best he could at that time to follow the commandments and to live righteously.  I hope I can share with my children over time how great a man he was and that one day we will see him again.  That I'm sure at some points in my kids lives he will be on the other side of the veil cheering them on or looking out for them.  I feel there is much to be done in Heaven but I also feel there are times when God lets those in Heaven watch over us on Earth.  God speed Mel, we love you and we will miss you.

tender feelings

Today I have very tender feelings!  I am truly so blessed to have so much in my life yet at this time I feel so overwhelmed with all the changes that are happening in our lives.  You see Zach's Grandpa passed away today and it feel so surreal.  I didn't get to know him super well but he did leave an imprint in my life.  I know that he loved serving in the temple and that he loved his kids and family.  I know that he was always kind, respectful, serving and hard working whenever I was around him.

I also have heard of at least 3 other deaths of friends of mine on facebook in the last week!  Seriously that's crazy!  So what is up?  Here is what I've been thinking about, something a friend of mine mentioned.  With Easter season and Spring being here comes a new season of life, a re-birth if you will.  It brings feelings of newness and or growth.  It literally means starting over, giving new life.  So with this season I have found several people have gone on to live a new life in Heaven.  There have also been solar flares from the sun which have had some shifts in energy.  I don't really understand what all that means but I feel like with Easter and everything else there has been a re-birth in many lives.  I think that Christ has literally taken home some precious spirits at this time with this Easter season.  With conference and with what was taught today I also truly feel that God is preparing this Earth for the 2nd coming of the Savior.  It is around the corner I truly feel that.  No I have no idea when it will be but I do know that it's getting closer.  There have also been many births that I've heard of as well.  So once again the circle of life continues.  I feel so privileged and blessed to have the knowledge that our Savior did die on the cross, but that he was also resurrected and because of that we each will be resurrected again too!

I wish I could take all the pain and suffering away from my friends and family going through all these hard times but in reality I can't.  I can't take away anyone's pain.  I know Christ can though.  I know that he has his arms stretched out ready for us to jump into them.  I also feel like as I watch my kids go through trials I can have the peace and reassurance that there suffering will be worth it.  Watching your kids suffer is worse than suffering ourselves I think.  I know that my kids will go through many hard times and I just hope and pray that they remember the things they've been taught.

I'm so grateful for my Savior Jesus Christ!  I know he lives!  I know he loves us!

Zach...kinda sappy

Lately life has had it's up's and down's and I've been going crazy trying to get all the Christmas things done.  So far I've made a kindness elf for our girls since they really really wanted one for Christmas, Christmas pj's are almost done, made 2 stockings to match our others, made some crowns, I've cut out all the pieces to a dress I'm making for one of my girls and I've made a few goodies to take to people.  It's been a lot of work.  I feel like I may not have time to get everything done.  I still have so much to do!  But I will try none the less.  Trying to keep my house clean while trying to get everything else done is hard!  Then Elsie asks if we can go see the Lions at the zoo and I can't help but stop for a day to go take her to the zoo.  She has been very patient with all my projects.

But with all the hustle and bustle sometimes it's hard to stop and smell the roses.  To really look around and see the good that is all around.  You guys can I just say that the man I married is trying an amazing man!  First off he puts up with my crazy and supports me when I choose to learn and do all the things I do.  Then he helps with so much around the house.   Right now he is laying with our 3 oldest to help them go to sleep.  I usually help the baby and he helps the older one and can I just say how grateful I am.  It truly is such a blessing.  Then last weekend I had a ton of clothes to fold that were all over the couches and he started helping.  My girls were complaining about having to help and so Zach decided to make it funny and put some panties on his head.  The girls thought it was hilarious.


A couple days ago Kali needed to go do an MRI and she chose her Dad to go with her.  She didn't want me she only wanted her Dad.  I'm grateful that she trust him and that she loves him as much as she does.  As you can see from this pictures all my girls love and adore their Dad.  I'm truly blessed to have this man in my life!  I guess you could say my girls are pretty lucky too.  Everyone always feel sorry for me when I tell them we have 4 girls but honestly I can't imagine anything different.  My Husband is so good with these precious girls and I'm so thankful for all He teaches me and them every day!

A beautiful life

After writing the post about Kali and all that we've gone through I realized that I sounded very negative and while it's all very frustrating I was sitting here tonight editing some pictures I took of my family and I just felt very very grateful for all the many blessings that I have!  I mean I have an amazing Husband who would truly do anything to help me and our girls be happy.  He also works so hard and is an amazing provider for our family.  I also have 4 beautiful and intelligent daughters!   Yes I could wish things were better or that other things in my life were different but really being imperfect is what makes us human.  Life would be boring if we were all perfect.  I'd say I've got it pretty good.  So on that note here are some fun pictures I took of my sweet family tonight.  I love all these people with all my heart and I'm so grateful God gave me such an amazing family!

 This kid just turned 8 month!  How time has flown by, but we will see if this month will be her walking month, she loves to stand so we will see.

Update on Kali

A while back I wrote a blog post about my daughter Kali and her incontinence.  She has never been able to stay dry all day that I know, not one single day her whole life!  I mean that's crazy right?  I can't tell you all the things she has dealt with because of it but just yesterday she was telling me that kids at school have made fun of her and told her she smells.  She said some kids said sorry but some didn't.  I'm sure she does smell but it's not something she can control.  So hearing that she has to deal with this already is really hard.  After going to the Doctor this week I finally feel like we might be on a path to answers.

It's amazing how slow things seem to go in the medical field!  I mean I'm grateful for the modern medicine and technology but really it takes so long to get anywhere sometimes!  We've been going to a urologist for about 1 1/2 years to try and understand why Kali has accidents and why things haven't really improved.  So after all that time the urologist just blamed everything on constipation.  My Mom heart just couldn't believe that her inability to make it to the bathroom was simply that she was constipated.  The urologist kept saying that that was probably what it was so we just kept doing all the things she told us for over a year!  That meant we did miralax once a day, laxatives once a week and other laxative liquid once a month.  We also have been to 2 different chiropractors and tested her for things like diabetes, thyroid problems, reoccurring UTI's, to name a few.  I mean if that isn't a crazy circle of frustration then I don't know what is!  Oh and the last time we went to her right before Evelyn was born, about 9 months ago, she thought we never really cleaned her out well enough so that's why were weren't seeing progress so she suggested doing a suppository once a day for 30 days and then every other day for another 30 days!  Kali hated it!  She cried every time she had to do it.  It hurt my Mommy heart to watch her go through that!  It also didn't really make a difference, at least not a huge noticeable difference.

They had told me in August that they would call me and schedule an appointment in 6 weeks to do this urodynamics test but they never called.  Finally after calling like 4 times over the last couple months I got this procedure scheduled and she did it yesterday.  They put a catheter in and then also stuck something in her rectum and filled up her bladder to see what happened.  Basically because of the test we found out that her bladder isn't working they way that it should.  It contracts when it shouldn't and doesn't contract when it should.   Honestly I don't feel I have a complete understanding of what all the test showed but what I know is that now the Doctor wants to do an MRI on her to rule out any neurological problems.  If there is a neurological problem then they would do surgery on her spine to help the nerves somehow.  I can't remember exactly what kind of surgery she said it would be.  Which is like a big wow!  I'm not sure I want my daughter going through that!  All that the Doctor could tell me about it was that they feel the benefits out way the risks.  She said she mostly wants to do the MRI to rule out a neurological problem.  So I don't think she thinks it's because of a neurological problem but if it's a muscular bladder problem then they will try and find a maintenance program that will help her deal with her issues.  So I asked the doctor if that meant she would have to be on medicine for the rest of her life and she said that it's very likely if it's a muscular bladder problem.  She wants to do the urodynamics test again in a few weeks with her on her medicine to see if the medicine helps her bladder to act like it should.  I do think the medicine helps, but it doesn't "fix" the problem.  Also Kali hates taking it and it's always a fight.

You guys this is kind of a hard blow for me to accept.  Zach seems completely fine with it all but for me I just feel bad that my daughter might have to be on medicine for the rest of her life because her bladder doesn't work right.  Can you imagine being a teenager or a young adult and having a bladder problem?  I mean if she forgot to take her medicine and then went on a date she could pee everywhere without being able to control it at all!  I'm grateful there is medicine out there she can take to help but that doesn't make it easy! 

I almost feel like I proved the Doctor wrong yesterday and I wish I didn't feel I needed to say that.  I never felt like all her issues could just be tied to constipation, that just didn't sit well with me!  It has all been such a struggle for me.  I felt like a horrible Mom every time I walked out of that office talking to the doctor, and that's a hard blow.  It's like I wasn't ever doing enough to help with the constipation and it was my fault that we couldn't ever get her dry.  Zach never felt like she was saying anything that would merit me feeling that way, but I'm a sensitive Mom and I didn't feel like I was being listened to.  I feel like she agreed finally do to the test because she thought it would help me not because she thought Kali really needed the test.  As of now I don't really care if it was because of me the doctor said yesterday she thinks it's a good thing we did the test.

Well thanks everyone who reads this for letting me vent all of this out and share my experience.  I really hope this can help someone else who might be struggling as well.

Evelyn's blessing day

Life is an interesting thing.  Growing up in a big family I just kind of thought that is what people did, grow up and have families.  But that is not the case for many people these days.  Some out of choice and for others it's just not what happened for them.  I am blessed to be able to have children and to get the chance to see them learn and grow.  I can't imagine my life without any of my kids.  I believe that in the next life I won't get to take any of my things with me but I can take my family.  I want to be with them forever and I'm excited to watch these 4 girls grow up and hopefully make me a Grandma.  

Evelyn had the opportunity to be blessed by her Dad while we were in AZ.  She is a special little girl and our older girls love and adore her.  It's so fun to see them with her and watch them enjoy her.  There is just something special about having a baby in the house.  Not that it doesn't come with it's challenges, it does, but overall I feel like it's a blessing.  This little girl is such a sweet and tender spirit.  She loves to soak in everything that is going on around her and many people have said that her eyes are always just wide open trying to figure out all that is around her.  This little Evelyn will do amazing things with her life.  She has already taught me so much and I'm so grateful to my Heavenly Father for letting me be her Mom.

 After we blessed Evelyn we went swimming with Zach's family that came down for the blessing.  It was a lot of fun and we don't get to be around them very often cause they all live in Utah and Oregon.

Posting more...Starnes Family

Couple things on my mind.  First off I really want to post more often.  I really want to try and make my blog an opportunity for people to see more of my pictures.  I feel I need to get it out there that I love photography and I really hope that in the near future I can learn enough to start a business and feel confident in doing so.  I have so much to learn but yet I feel very confident that I can give clients pictures they can love more a lifetime.  So to start off I will be posted some older photos over the next few weeks.  Please feel free to tell me how you like these photos.  Any positive criticism I can get will only help me grow.  I really want to produce photos that are real, flattering and beautiful.

This family is the cut

iest!  I love taking pictures for them.  She is so cute pregnant!  Look how stunning she is!